My Children Don’t Understand Our Divorce

Divorce is hard on everyone in the family. Honest communication and setting aside your angry feelings for the sake of your child will help this stressful situation.

1. If possible, both parents should talk to the child about the divorce together. Children need to know that both parents love them and will stay involved in their lives.
2. Tell the kids the divorce is not their fault. Children often feel they are to blame.
3. Put aside your anger and do not say nasty things about the other parent, his family or new partner. Your child needs to be loyal to both parents.
4. Tell the child where the other parent will be living and when each parent will spend time with him or her.
5. Explain that divorce is final – some children spend a lot of time hoping their parents will live together again.
6. Watch for signs of trouble – younger children may regress to earlier behavior; there may be more fighting between siblings; older kids may become moody or depressed; he may lie or steal to let you know he or she is angry. Talk to your kids – often – and get counseling help if things don’t get better.
7. Have fun. Spend time with your children doing things you both enjoy. Encourage grandparents and friends to see the children more often.
8. Don’t turn kids into friends. You need someone to vent to, cry with, and lean on – but it shouldn’t be your kids.