My Stepchildren Don’t Respect Me

Being a stepparent is a challenging role – one part diplomat, one part parent, and at least one part friend.

1. Give it time. Don’t expect instant results in an area of your life that proceeds very slowly. Children have deep attachments that do not change just because a new adult enters their life.
2. Expect kids to play one parent against the other. Call and check with the co-parent if you’re not sure whether to believe the child.
3. Most kids resent having their family divided. You, the stepparent, stand for unwanted change, so expect to be unwelcome at first and try not to take it personally.
4. Develop friendship with your stepchildren. Do things you both enjoy and let the biological parent do most of the parenting, especially the discipline.
5. Work with your partner. Talk about your parenting goals and methods and agree on the rules and consequences away from the children. Take a parenting class together to help you share ideas.
6. Respect the child’s relationship with the other biological parent and avoid putting the parent down. Children need to feel they can love both you, and the other parent.
7. Hold family meetings to allow everyone a chance to express their opinions. Meetings promote communication and prevent little problems from getting bigger.
8. Make sure you are treating them with respect, talk with them honestly about their feelings – and yours – and come to some agreements.